Love Angle: The Script

Penguin June 22nd, 2007

Penguin says

Here is the second installment into the forray of film. You can start at the beginning with Love Angle: My First� Movie.

I just about wrapped up the script. The first revision was a disaster. I had the unfortune to sit next to Ninja as she read and made faces at the script.

After the table read, both the cast and I felt that there were a lot of deficiencies in the script. Some of my actors weren’t happy with the direction I took their character. We spent a lot of time brainstorming and thinking of solutions to some of these.

During the week, I felt that the way we lead up to the ending was just such a huge contrivance. So, I ended up rewriting a good part of the script.

As we approach our shooting schedule, I’ve come to a point where I’m okay with the script. It could probably use the addition of one or two more scenes, but for the most part, the structure works.

I’m going to try something, and post the current draft. If it works, take a gander and post in the comments. Otherwise, stay tuned for more updates.

love-angle-beta-6.pdf

-Penguin

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  • NinjaVsPenguin
    Thanks Zach!

    Yeah, my dialogue isn't the strongest in the world. I've actually went through another two minor revisions since this post. One of them, I exteneded the last scene with *gasp* more dialogue :O. But I think it makes it stronger.

    I also cleaned up some of the language, cut some bits here and there.

    The late scene should probably be cleaned up, so it's less plodding, but when the actors read it, there's this really awkward sexual tension, like out of a bad porno that's hilarious.

    As for the teacher playing a joke. I totally agree that it's unbelievable, but it creates a good amount of tension, which is nice.

    There have been worse things in movies, like, connecting to an alien wireless network and uploading a computer virus into an unknown operating system. Oh, and all this was developed in a matter of hours while your entire race and planet faced destruction. No pressure.

    Thanks for reading and thanks for the comments. I will definitely look over the dialogue some more and try and make it more engaging.

    -Penguin
  • I think the dialogue is the main weakness of it now, and needs some definite punching up. I don't know how to do this myself, as I am incapable of writing dialogue that sounds even remotely like a human being would say it, but it's kind of drab right now. A couple other quick things:

    * The part where he's late because he went to the wrong house doesn't really work, specifically the cut showing what happened at the other house. It just meandered a bit with no punchline.

    * Her teacher playing a joke on her with her test grade is a tad hard to believe. If nothing else, a teacher would be a bit wary of joking around with a kid's grade simply for fear of the kid's parents seeing it and deciding to sue the school or something.
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